Wednesday, September 30, 2009




I Have The Thinking Of Commiting Suicide Today.
But Im Not Going To Do That Luhs.
Lots Of Things Has Been Happening.
But things are going for a huge change.
i found mah stable house &maybe a stable job too((:
A huge thanks again for all who stand by mah side & be there when im on mah down-est mode in life.


went to slack &fag today lorhs. thats practically what im doing the whole day. went down to tampp & met emerson's friend -- clara.

Clara , Dont think so much yeahs girl ? Though i only know you for one day... But you are really a fun friend. all the nonsense we talk about. Laughhs laughhs laughhs !! hmms , cheerup girl !

Went around tampp mall here & there. thn went down to bedok to take cigg from Jonas.
thn went back to temp. send clara back home. before that, went to EMOTIONAL mode. lols.
i went alone after that. ask emerson to return home.

Boy , I didnt want you to tag along because i do not want you to return home late because of me again. But thanks for the intention of following me along. Sorry Boy , to make you worried lerhs.
Im safe now alrights ?

*I Want To Escape From Reality For A While Cans? Why Is My Life In Such A Mess Right Now?

Monday, September 28, 2009

I need a job badly.

That's it!
A Job.
I told emerson however, whatever i felt just now.
Feeling Better lerhs ((:


*I'm Going To Stay Strong. For Myself &For All Those Who Stands By Me All This While.*
That Includes: Emerson ; Zimin ; Jonas ; Ahwyn ; Sheena ; Jeann... &ManyMores.(:

THANKS GUYS.((:

Sunday, September 27, 2009

im still smiling .. still smiling.


im lost. im fustrated. im confused. im mad. im angry. im sad. im devastated. im messed. im freaked out. im pissed.

but im still smiling... still smiling.

mah life sucks. mah life is all messed up. mah life is empty. mah life is untrusted. mah life is blank. mah life is cold. mah life is dark.

but im still smiling... still smiling.

i wish to cry. i wish to scream. i wish to shout. i wish to vent. i wish to.. i wish to..

but im still smiling... still smiling.

feeling so alone in a world so empty. noone i see somemore. it's torturing. it's tormenting. it's painful. it hurts me so much more.
after all , everything just sucks.

but im still smiling... still smiling.

到最后... i know clearly what i want.
nothing but to be LOVED

Saturday, September 26, 2009

im confused ; im fustrated ;
im everything i can be right now.


emerson was behaving not herself yesterday. though i could communicate with her better but i just... aiyarhs. cant she just be herself? if her real self cant get me, i rather she dun have me. i dun wan her to act lyke someone else and thn treat me. sighhs. anewae.. i ate so much yesterday alrights! oreo, KFC , donuts...
im growing fat if this continue like this.
today going out on a couple date with Wyn &Jonas ... Emerson &Risse ...
laughhs. hopefully everything will turn out smoothly barhhs.


To tiing:
SISTER! 我很想念你! hope to meet up with ue soon okays ?
To emerson:
ehs! ue stop it arhhs. dun worry... ue buy HL for me i also DUNWAN drink arhs! BLUECKS!!>.<
To Wyn :
girl, i miss ue larhs. finally ue today come out lerhs. enjoy uer day girl(: i miss ue!!
To Jonas :
thanks for the last stick of cigg... hmms, dun worry larhs. 我,叶芮思不会contact没有缘人的...joking xD
To Mummy:
if ue would one day see this, i do hope ue see it. though ue would want to hear about me no more, but i just got to let ue know this. i just need to feel a belonging at home. do ue know that everytime i see ue enjoying yourself with daddy and boy , i felt so lost ?! i bet ue didnt know anything bout it barhs. all ue know is that ue want me to accept daddy as mine. but have ue all ever treat me as one ? i know im a delinquent kid. but is it fair for me? i know ive disappoint ue a lot of times. I JUST NEED A PLACE AT HOME. nothing else. i dun want anything... i just want someone to love me. yeahs! i felt neglected canns? I FELT NEGLECTED , NEGLECTED , NEGLECTED !!!. as though home is just a shelter for me. nothing else alrights?! urghs. ENOUGH ler larhs. since ue wouldnt want to have any talk with me, theres no point im hanging on. no matter how bad im doing outside right now, i will prove to ue that ... i DONT NEED ANYONE TO BE BY MAH SIDE. i will prove to ue that im a strong girl.. a stronger girl thn what ue thought that i was. i will take good care of mahself... ue.. take care buhhs.


*i totally hate mahself when mah life is in a mess like now...

Thursday, September 24, 2009

hit mah weak spot &i cried.
once again, 叶芮思 has become a weakling again.
really disappointed. 我为什么又要再啊!为什么就不能坚强一点呢?
th weakling in me seems to surfacing again. i dun wan!
it just sucks 好不好.
to just cry in front of people. &the feeling is so sucks larhs.
how can i show th weaker side of me to others. urghs~
叶芮思...你很没有用lehhs!
cant ue just be a lil' bit stronger for once?
yeahs! i admit that im faking a laughter most of th time. but thats' the only way to distract me from th pain marhs.
i dont need anything now. I DO NOT NEED ANYTHING, I JUST NEED TO BE LOVED
can? i just need to be loved... im just a typical yet unique girl.
i dun wan anything lerhs... just for me to be LOVED. sighhs)):


early in the morning accompany Jonas to walk from her house to GH. was a longggg trip alrights!! tired死了! hmms... came back and Zzzzzzz...
afternoon went to meet emerson & went to thai temple with her. she bought a HL milk for me.
i didnt drink it. )): after that headed down to iluma for a while. slack and Jonas thn ate at BENTEN cafe. slack &fag. went back &i kept falling asleep. everywhere i go. laughhs.



*im tired. just wanna slow down in life. take a rest, take a break. nothing else.
because im too tired to love, to do even anything.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

今天很不开心!。。。







yesterday collected mah clothes.
lazy to post. story ended~

today sleep like one 笨猪。until the sun shines so brightly on me luhhs. thn went out with Emerson &Jonas. go parkway slack slack. message mummy today but she dint reply. i guess no point contacting her also lerhs. i shall just live ALONES. work &work &work will be all that i would be thinking about.
这几天,我知道我自己根本不开心。但却一直逞强。也许应为不想让任何人看见我最脆弱的一面吧!我觉得自己已经失去理智了。我只想要在这个世界上找到属于我的位置,属于我的地方。im feeling so LOST this few days. really so lost. 但有人知道吗?i dunno how bad am i feeling. but all i know is that the feeling in me now just SUCKS. heard that? it simply just SUCKS!! SUCKS!SUCKS!SUCKS! im being moodless, walking lyke a living corpse on th street. whats happening larhs !!

今天真的不开心。。真的真的不开心...
*im beginning to hate myself. why? this, i dont know*

Monday, September 21, 2009

Funn Funn Funn..
im doing this almost every of these days. hmms, thinking that am i really happy ? yeahs~ perhaps happy to get mah nightlife but aint happy why mah mum didnt give it to me officially. aiyarhs. dunno larhs. let me just update the happenings for the past few days buhhs.


Smoke Smoke Smoke.
Pratically doing this everyday larhhs. Didnt really eat much. Just a mouthful here and there lorhs. Hmms..


17o9o9
after going to AMK , sending ganqing back GH. i decided not to return home. that night sister go back alone, emerson went back home too. thn me and jonas went down to find aubrey. talkt o her for a while &thn we went to find emerson. after that actually want go find mah friend der. but end up all PS me!!! stupid. thn me and jonas was in yishun thr. we slack there and its like so sian, but still manage to entertain each and other(: thn morning ler, we cabb to GH. actually want fetch ganqing go school der. but end up she went to see doctor. around 6+, we return back and take a nap luhhs. Zzzzzzzz..


18o9o9
emerson came and meet us at Jonas house. slack for a while and thn we went to Tiong bahru to meet aubrey. went to the coffeeshop nearby to eat. i vomitted=x mah stomach has beeen weird for the past few days. eat what vomit what. mah tian arhhs !!! thn they wennt to meet mah qinmi at redhill. im slacking at the BUZZ there. emerson bought me a bottle of greentea. after that Jonas, Emerson and Me take 16 back home. after Jonas alight, halfway thru emerson alighted and we took 14. it was damn long lorhs. and i was like. what the~ reach bedok liaos. she went to find kat. i didnt follow. i thought she was heading back home. her mum was pestering her liaos. thn i walk off. actually want to go her house derhs. but... i forgot where is it larhs ! i got lost. her phone also no batt. i called Jonas and thn i went to khatib to ton with elfyq. spent the whole night there. and i just tell mahself, i GIVEUP. i wont go after aneone anemore lerh larhs. just be single and be free. isnt that better ?!


19o9o9
went to fetch ganqing from homeleave today(: went to her house after that. slack there a while to wait for her to finish her makeup and everything. thn we cabbed down to M.S to meet juan. thn i went off to meet buddy at TPY. meet her liao thn spent time with her until 6.30. thn, ganqing, Jonas &Emerson went down to TPY and meet me. that night we went to ganqing house ton. i was DEAD asleep lorhs. after walking from pending there to keathong. it was far. but i just need sometimes alone. why is mah life lykdat?!


2oo9o9
waken up by JONAS! thanks so much huh?! laughhs. i was so tired lorhs thn ganqing and her boyfriend at there disturb me wake up. haiyos. yawns~ hmms, ganqing said she wanted to be mah makeup artist for today and thn she makeup for me lorhs! hey. i didnt let aneone makeup for me okays ?! so ganqing, thanks for the good job and must feel honoured horhs. hahas(: after that we left about 1+. Went to ION orchard with mah ganqing(: and her boyfriend. thn we take a walk arounds and take pictures. it's so funny lorhs. its time to send ganqing back GH lerhs. we went to AMKhub to meet her mum. took bus 25 to GH. sighhs. ganqing, see ue next week!! gonna miss ue derhs. after that, Jonas and me went to tampines to find emerson. ate icecream &have a drink in secret recipe. after that meet aubrey and maine. went to Subway and thn four of us were like so crazy lorhs. snaps here and there larhs. will not be able to upload pics these few days. hmms, after that 10pm lerhs. meet emerson at secretrecipe there. she havent come out so four of us went to the toilet first. snap aubrey in the toilet. was so damn funny alrights. maine and me was like so disturbing lorhs. laughs. went to coffeeshop near tampines there to slack for a while. thn we went seperate ways liaos. maine and aubrey went home. Jonas, Emerson and me went to ECP there and slack.
DRINKDRINKDRINK!
i was DEAD lorhs. talking nonsense when i dun even noe what i doing. Jonas gave us a lecture and seriously i dun really know something about it. lols. i was sehseh liao marhhs. thn went to voiddeck and slack cause thought that it was going to rain. and thn everyone ended up being so dead alrights. i vomitted and followed by Jonas. after vomitting , i was lying down and flat after a while. morning lerhs, went to Jonas house to sleep for a while. thn they wake me up at 2.45pm. wahs. i was soooo tired alrights. thn ate some noodles that emerson cooked for me. ((: thn send her down to the busstop. she needs to leave lerhs marhs.
went back to Jonas house lorhs. Planning to maybe go out with her, maine, aubrey and sher later. aiyarhs. dunno larhs. see first buhhs. hmms.

A Hug ; A Kiss ; A Hold &A Feeling Of Never Being Let Go.
should i or should i not ? memories in ECP and all, though it was making confused. But at least this time round, i didnt push her away. i didnt.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

life sucks larhs.
hmms, long never update lerhs. just have a lil' short thing around here.
had been tonning these few days. NIGHTLIFE, chiong chiong chiong.
had been with ganqing these few days. &she became mah MAKEUP ARTIST today. laughhs.
was having lots of fun these few days. hmms, those who are accompanying me for these days, thanks guys for standin by me.
hahas . for the accomodation and all, momoren is helping me. oh yarhs! btw, i keep all names in privacy to PROTECT myself. thks. hmms, was running around singapore. that day still TWO PERSON tonning. wahs. was damm sian 好不好!!im thinkin bout mah mummy these days. was getting emotional and all. well, YERUISI aka XIAOR officially declared :
1. BANKRUPT
2. JOBLESS
3. HOMELESS
4. PHONELESS
5. NIGHTLIFE GIRL
6. SINGLEEEEEEE((:

update ltr. buhbye

Thursday, September 17, 2009

ARGHS!
im sick. having flu, sorethroat...etc. i hope that i will get well soon larhs. if not this sunday CANNOT ton liao lehss....)): sad case. well just have a lil update bout ytd and mah programmes im planning today((:
16o9o9
i went to school too early le luhhs. i forgot that school will start at 8.15 and i reach there at about 7.00! i left home so early somemore. haiyoyos! so silly of me. well i do mah own things in class &slowly mah classmates come. hmms. that's better(: well, during recess time... im SO bored alrights! thn teacher saw me coughing away thn send me back home.
"You Are Not Allowed To Come Back To School Until You're Fully Recovered"
what the. i go back home and fetch mah brother back from childcare at 5. went to ikea to meet mah parents and ate mah dinner there. hmms. thats mah day!!!

17o9o9
today. jonas give me morning call. thn emerson went to see doctor larhhs. also dunno for what. LOLS. well later i'll be meeting mah sister and probably emerson and jonas too. go shop shop pics pics a while lorhs and see what happen next. uppdate later peepos((:

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

15sept09

15o9o9

today has just pass like this. 
so fast and so...
how i just wish that time could stop here and thn thats it !
TIME STOP PLEASE ~~
sighs. i miss CHENWANTING !
to mah one and only sister ! 
today thanks for spending time with me. really have great fun with ue and the two others larhhs . 
although one of them i dun really know her. anewae thanks for the day(: 
actually know what ? ting, i really didnt expect that ue will spend time with me larhs. i thought ue were just busy and just lykdat. laughhs. really thanks larhs ! meet me again on thursday okays ? sighhs. thn we go for "HONEYMOON" period. hahas ((: 

well, the day begins with... IM LATE FOR SCHOOL!! mummy thn drive me to school & just 3 BIG smile for her canns ! ILOVEHER. haas. reached school lerhs. mrs tan ask me to sit at the table just beside general office. &she FORGET me! i reached class at 9am. laughhs. had a great day in school with xian, amanda and the two girls i just met today... laughhs. self study today. haiyos. STRESS arh! but after school , amanda pei me go find mah sister. thn after that we send her to meet her boyfriend. must return her safely to her boyfriend. laughhs. thn sister and me go eat lunch. after that go mah house lerhs. sister sleep on mah bed. thn i go fetch emerson & jonas from pioneer MRT station. all go mah house liao. listen songs and mummy come back from work. go eat mac together. jonas ate so much of the nuggets. nice marhs ? see her eat until so shiok ! laughhs. thn after that mummy went home with ahboy. thn me and sister, jonas, emerson went to ART PARK to slack a while lorhs. really miss those night life times. BUT... im NOT going back to those life... laughhs. thn sister need to go home lerhs. we thn go home and thn emerson bathe... i send mah sister go cab. send her off liao thn i go back home. TIRING~ while emerson's bathing. talk to jonas in mah room. SECRETS!~ aiyarhs. also not anything bad lahs. just normal stuffs.  hahas . im beginning to miss mah sister lerh larhhs . going to meet her on thursday. so 2 days to countdown((: laughhs. hmms...jonas and emerson need to go home lerhs. walk them to jurong point. &its so very the far lors! thn slack slack a bit. went in jurong point for a while. the weather is too hot . thn we kip disturbing peepos. take a rest at the small kids ride and i just climb on it larhs. the other was zilian-ing at the black wall reflection. after that pei them wait for bus30. they go off lerhs. and im late! actually dun wish to go back but i have to! i cant disappoint "her" and neither can i disappoint mah mum! so i headed back home. reached home about 10.45. im tired lerh larhs . alright. got to blog off le larhs. bye peepos!!!!
today is a fun day! thanks guys !


*maybe time will stop one day for me. pls... stop it at the right time((:*



Monday, September 14, 2009

When you smile My life becomes a ray of light
Sing me a lullaby sleep at midnight
I'll be hypotizes when looked into your eyes
turn off the room light Let's spend the night

Take me to far away way to your secret place
Take my tears my fears
Take all my pain For which I'll repay someday
With a kiss and say
Can't believe that I'm in LOVE
In LOVE again ...

When the stars don't shine
and when the birds don't fly
and when the flowers cry
and when the rain runs dry
When the violet's red and when the rose turn blue
Baby I'm still in LOVE with you

ooh..oh..oo.. Take me to far away
way to your secret place
Take my tears my fears
Take all my pain For which I'll repay someday
With a kiss and say
Can't believe that I'm in LOVE
In LOVE again .. yeah yeah yeahh..

oh..oh...oh.. yeah.. yeah.. a..yeah .... oh.oh.. ohhh ...

Take me to far away
way to your secret place
Take my tears my fears
Take all my pain For which I'll repay someday
With a kiss and say
Can't believe that I'm in love
In love again .....
woo.. wooo.....

LOVEYOU , ♥